Consolation

by mypreconceivedlife

If I don’t have a baby this year I can:

1) Go to Paris

2) Ride my bike across England

3) Buy this adorable dress

4) Continue taking Melatonin to help me sleep

5) Get another tattoo

6) Do Pilates

That’s all I’ve come up with so far, but the list is ongoing.

On January 3rd, our eight day 3 embryos were thawed in an attempt to grow as many as possible to blast. Four of them were growing normally at the time of freezing, and four were not.  Any blasts will be biopsied for PGD along with our two current blasts. I won’t get the results for a couple of weeks, but I should (hopefully) know tomorrow how many blasts we’ve ended up with.

Of course I am terrified that we will have none. Or that all of them will be genetically abnormal. Or that only one or two will be viable but will not implant. There is nothing I can do about any of this. It is completely out of my control.

And so I make a list. I make a plan. If the worst case scenario becomes the reality, I will have a map to follow. I’ll have something else to do in addition to grieving. It pales in comparison, but hey, some of that stuff sounds pretty fun, too.

Am I the only one who does this? What do you guys have on your lists?

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